The Sucky Mom

One.

2011-07-26T11:38:00.000-05:00

Happy Birthday, George!

It Won't Always Be This Easy

2011-07-19T16:30:00.001-05:00

Swam for about 30 minutes during lunch today. Everything worked out perfectly for me to do so. I don't have a kick board yet but I was able to get out of the office by 11:30 and my first afternoon appointment wasn't until 1:30 so I did a full swim, showered, fixed my hair, and re-applied make-up. Somewhere in there, I ate a sandwich too.
I was even back at my desk at 1:05!

I might have pushed myself a little much. I was still feeling it when I got back to work. It's hard when you have the memory of working out really hard at something, but your body doesn't quite remember like your head does....

It won't always be this easy. Some days I only eek 44 minutes out of the office for lunch. But not usually. This was definitely a good start.

VBS & Kicking

2011-07-18T12:30:00.000-05:00

Our church is hosting VBS this week - or as I have decided for my family: "Vacation (from Mom) Bible School."
Neither of my kids are in school, so there isn't anything 'vacation' about it other than a vacation from being home when mom comes home from lunch!! I am excited to hear how their day was and hopeful this this 'up-and-at-em' routine this week might spurt some more activity amongst the family during the weeks to follow.

With a whole hour off for lunch and nobody at home, I was thinking about the snugness of my trousers and being pouty about how I am most definitely looking like a mommy in the middle now that my post-nursing body has returned to it's dormant puffiness with an added dose of sag, when I started thinking about how my mom and dad were active athletes at my age and, specifically, how my mom used to head to the municipal pool for a 30-minute work-out every day on her lunch hour. She kept a short wash-and-go hair style that would make it back to the office just fine if damp. (This is where romantic thoughts of an Emma Watson style pixie cut started to creep back in.) She didn't even have to get her hair wet - she always had her kick board in-tow.
"Ahhh, to work in such proximity to a public pool......if only..." I started to think, when all of a sudden, I realized:
I work about 2 minutes from my apartment.
My apartment complex has a pool.
I go home every day at lunch.

So that't it. I am getting a kickboard. And I am going to go to the pool every day this week (starting Tuesday, of course) that it isn't storming at lunch. And hopefully it will carry over to next week. And the week after that. And it becomes routine. And I might end up with a pixie cut.

Focus On The Family

2011-06-27T18:04:00.000-05:00

My presence here is going to be unnoticably sparse for some time.

Taken by my father-in-law with my sister-in-law's awesome camera!

We're axing the internet connection at the house. Lots of reasons, but the most important one being the attention hole it has become. I might even end up posting more often, who knows. If I do, it'll be from remote locations.

Monday's Child

2011-06-26T17:54:00.003-05:00

I wrote this shortly after George was born, but didn't publish it right away. I don't know why. He's almost a year old now, so I suppose it's as appropriate as ever to share.

They say no two pregnancies are alike, and no two births are alike. Sometimes, 'they' are dead on., I have to add to the abridged version of Aine's birth story. In the days leading up to her birth, we were entertaining our out-of-state family members as they waited, along with us, for her arrival. She was the first grandchild for all 4 grandparents, so it was kind of a big deal. In an attempt to not just sit around the house staring at me (and probably in an attempt to thaw out from the arctic climate I had created in the house), David and his brother headed outside with the dog for some fresh air and frisbee. Sean and Sugar collided and Sean was laid out. David did something to tweak his back too, which progressively worsened over the next day...which happened to be the day I went in for the induction. It got so bad that one of the L&D nurses packed him up in a wheelchair and carted him down to the ER to get checked out. He could not stand up straight. (Un)Fortunately, a 7-injury motor vehicle accident had occurred moments before this and the ER wait would have been hours, so he headed back to L&D. And, of course, slept on one of those incredibly comfortable ergonomic hospital room fold out beds... The next morning, when the nurses arrived to answer my 'water's broken' call, one of them had to heave him up out of the supine position he'd assumed for the night because it was game time. Most fortunately, either being up and moving worked it out, or mind took over matter and his focus was on me, my labor, and our baby...no room for a back ache there...and he was healed.

On to George...

Sunday, July 25, 2010:
We attended our regular 11:00 worship service, despite my increasing discomfort and the unbearable heat. I remembered to bring my seat cushion for my spot on the 70 year-old pew. After church, we headed to Shoney's for brunch, as we do nearly every Sunday. I thought about skipping out on brunch that day, but hated to think the waitstaff would get all excited that I'd had the baby if we didn't show and then I would have to face them, pregnant again, at another time. As we were getting ready to leave, Jason (our favorite Shoney's waiter) wished us luck with the baby and said he'd see us again. I replied, "hopefully you won't see me like this again!" Then David stood up from his chair and half-heartedly remarked, "I don't know what I did to my back..."
I looked at him knowingly, "I'm gonna have the baby tonight."

Taken Sunday afternoon, 7/25

We got home from lunch and had a lazy afternoon. I thought about taking a nap but ended up just chatting with my sister in the living room most of the afternoon. We'd done a bunch of housework the day before and it seemed a well-earned waste of time. By dinner time, I was noticing contractions that felt different than those I'd had previously. They also didn't feel like the ones I'd had the last time I was in labor. I started timing them out of sheer curiosity. In my experience, one sure-fire way to stop Braxton-Hix contractions is to start timing them. I don't remember what we had for dinner that night. But I do remember feeling like I had some crazy gas pain that was flaring up fairly regularly, every 10-15 minutes...

After dinner, I decided I should go sit in the tub for a bit. An hour-long soak had been encouraged in our birthing classes as a good measure of whether true labor had set in. An hour later and my not-so-regular 8-10 minute-apart contractions were slightly more regular & 6-8 minutes apart. I told David and Brigid that I was definitely having some contractions and that I was going to lay down and try to get some sleep. I kept timing and after laying down, they readily became 5-6 minutes apart.
Our instructions were to call the midwife once contractions had been 3-5 minutes apart for one hour. They'd only been 5-6 apart for 3 or 4 contractions, but I decided to call anyway. At this point it was 1-ish AM and I wanted to make sure that the people who needed to know knew what was going on. I texted Melody:
         Me: contactions 5-6 minutes apart
         Mel: I'm on my way
         Me: I just don't want you to come too soon
         Mel: I think I'm already too late!
I told David that Mel was on her way. He scoffed.  I decided to page the on-call midwife. It turned out to be Claire (one I had seen for the majority of my prenatal care). She asked how long it would take for us to get to the Birth Center. "About 30-45 minutes," I told her - the Center was only 20 minutes away, but David had yet to pack anything...
"I'll meet you there in an hour," she replied.
By the time I hung up the phone, I had a couple 2.5-3 minutes apart!

I told David the plan to meet at the Center in an hour and again, he scoffed. He started loading music and movies on to his MP3 player that we'd talked about having for entertainment during labor. I strongly encouraged him to get his stuff together so we could go :o) and he asked for another 20 minutes to get the last movie loaded. At some point shortly after this exchange, as I was walking through the living room to make sure I had everything I needed, I stopped, knelt on the couch leaning over the pile of things ready to go down to the car, and took several slow, deep breaths. David stopped the download and grabbed his bag. We headed out the door and loaded up in the car. My sister stayed home with Aine, who had gone to bed in my room while I was in the tub in anticipation that I would be in to snuggle with her before we went to bed. We told Brigid we'd call once they checked me out and let her know where things stood.

On our way to the center, I realized that I hadn't yet set up the voice mailbox on my new phone. If anyone called while I was in labor or shortly after, they would have no way to leave a message. So I quickly navigated the system and recorded my greeting. It took a couple tries because..well, I was in labor. If you were to call me now, the greeting you would hear is that very recording!

I called Melody to let her know we were on our way to the birthing center. When she decided to come, we didn't know if we'd still be at home or not by the time she got here. She was already there and waiting for us. We met her in the parking lot and, as we were heading in to the building, contemplating whether or not she should leave her van in the handicapped parking space she'd pulled in to, a police cruiser pulled in to the lot as well.
There we were, the three of us, slowly meandering toward the building, pausing every few paces to breathe, and the officer pulled up to us, rolled down his window, and asked, "Umm, what are you all up to?"
The three of us looked at each other in disbelief. David couldn't answer. I was certain he was joking. He HAD to be. I was either about to have a baby or had suffered a terrible accident involving a large watermelon. The building had a billboard-sized banner with a picture of a baby and the word "WATERBIRTH" on it hanging from the third floor. But it became obvious after a moment of stunned silence on our parts and anticipation on his, that he was not joking. He was on duty and wanted to know what we were doing attempting to enter an obviously closed place of business.
"We're having a baby!" I responded, without a shred of sarcasm....
He looked like he'd seen a ghost, pointed up, and stammered, "Oh! Is this a.....well, have a good night!"

We were laughing as we arrived at the third floor and were greeted by Claire. She met our snickers with a look of, "you got me out of bed and made me come to work at 2AM for nothing." I relayed the tale of the confused police officer between contractions. We moved in to the exam room so she could check for any progress. "6 centimeters, completely thinned out." I was relieved, surprised, and a little disappointed. I'd been pulling for 7/27 for a DOB, since Aine's is 5/25. But with it being the wee hours of 7/26 and being 6cm already, I was 1) doubtful I would labor into Tuesday and 2) hopeful I wouldn't labor in to Tuesday! We informed Brigid and other family that we were indeed going to be having the baby sometime that day.

Early in my pregnancy, I'd had traces of GBS in my urine, so I needed to receive antibiotics during labor as a precaution. That was the other reason I paged Claire despite contractions being further apart than the standart 3-5. I knew I needed to get the antibiotics at least 4 hours before delivery. So she hooked me up to the monitors and started the IV and told me she wasn't even going to do a heplock since I was going to deliver in less than eight hours. And then it hit me. All along, I'd been anticipating about 8 hours of labor at the birth center. I was going to have the baby in less than 8 hours....at least I was *likely* to have the baby in less than 8 hours.

During the administration of the antibiotics, the contractions became more intense...at least they seemed that way, since I was stuck in a chair and couldn't move. I immediately wanted to go lay down as soon as the IV was done so I could relax like I'd practiced - I'd read about hypnobirthing and practiced some of the techniques.

Melody, the amazing doula

Then Claire informed me that if I was going to get in the tub, now was as good a time as any. So I had her run the water. She checked before I got in and I was 8 cm dilated.

The tub was awful!! Other than being a bit deeper, it was no bigger than a standard bathtub. I was too tall to straighten my legs. It was too narrow to allow for me to bend my knees or sit leaning on David's thighs as he sat behind me. And the water had to be 98-100 degrees - stifling when you're in labor and hot already!!

We tried and tried to find a comfortable position. I really wanted to deliver in the water. I wanted this baby to have a calm, comfortable entrance in to this world. I wanted him to gently descend through the birth canal, and emerge in an environment that had been manipulated to mimic the one he was leaving. I wanted his father to be the one to receive him and bring him out of the water and hand him to me.
But it was hot, and cramped, and impossible for the midwives (Meghan had now joined Claire as it was obvious the baby was near) to get a good reading on the doppler.

So they suggested I get out of the tub. That was easier said than done. Despite me feeling like I was trapped in a hot sauna of impending doom in the tub, I didn't want to leave it because that meant flipping over, standing up, and climbing out...all in the midst of what had become some seriously intense contractions accompanied by a hefty dose of 'gotta push'. I'd pushed a few times in the tub, which was when they were looking for heart tones, of course, and MAN was it hefty.

I managed to get up and get one leg half-way out of the tub when another one hit. There I was, squatting over the water, one leg in the tub, the other foot propped on the side of the tub, doubled over and bearing down. I could tell Meghan and Claire were nervous even though I couldn't see them. I heard David reassure them, "I'll catch the baby if he comes out." But he didn't come out. I waddled over to the bed, very aware of the noggin that was now lodged low in my pelvis, and managed to lay down on my side-ish.
They were able to find baby's heart tones and were concerned that it was dropping with contractions. That didn't concern me too much because it's normal for it to drop SOME with each contraction. I pushed a couple more times and did NOT feel like I was making progress, Then they told me his head was showing and had me reach down to feel it. I just felt a mass of squishy flesh. I honestly couldn't tell if it was him or me I was touching! Ech.

The next few moments seemed like forever and an instant all at the same time. At some point, and without warning, the midwives decided the baby needed to come out. With one on top of me pressing down and the other guiding him out by the head, the scene was anything but the serene delivery I had hoped and planned for. Their rush to action was also startling to myself and David and resulted in some intense shouting. It didn't last long though. 2 contractions and a whole bottle of olive oil later and there was this warm, wet, wrinkly guy lying on my chest.

And then he was gone again....

David didn't get to 'catch' him. He didn't get to cut the cord. I didn't get to hold my baby like I'd wanted. There were doctory things that needed to be done.

It felt like forever before I got him back.

After the fact, the midwives explained to David the reason for their haste and physical intrusion. Shoulder dystocia and a tethered cord. I wish I could have hit "rewind" on the whole thing and re-do it with them telling us that BEFORE jumping on me...

Because the antibiotics were only in my system for 3.5 and not 4 hours before the delivery, we were advised to have George transported to the hospital for 48 hours of observation. I was told I would be able to 'visit' and provide pumped breast milk. Yeah, right. I'm typically a rule follower. I don't know that I had ever declined treatment or a physician's recommendation before. I don't like taking health risks. But it seemed to me that spending the first 48 hours in a bassinet in a hospital nursery away from his mother was a lot riskier.

They continued to check his vitals for the 12 hours we were at the center. Then we went home.

Our family of four

When I think back now, there is a lot that is missing or a blur. I think I had a hard time bonding with George initially because I was upset about his delivery. I didn't want a dramatic, involved birth for him. It wasn't until he was a few weeks old that I decided facing and overcoming adversity at his entrance to this world would probably serve him well.

Motivation to Overcome

2011-06-23T17:26:00.001-05:00

I love the water. I grew up in it. I started swimming at 8 months (no exaggeration). I learned to walk on a sail boat (ok, so I'm exaggerating a bit with that one). I'd been snorkeling in the Bahamas before I was 5. I joined a competitive swim team at age 7. I was ocean-rescue certified at 10.

So why am I not SCUBA certified?

I'm afraid to. I never liked wearing a mask. The idea of filling my mask with water and clearing it out again, all without returning to the surface is paralyzing to me.

So when my father-in-law offered to help us get our certification (he knows a guy), of course, I said, "GREAT! AWESOME! SIGN ME UP!!" Actually, it was more like, "I'll give it a try."

Then, as if I needed extra motivation beyond the whole it-would-be-awesome thing, I stumbled upon the work of Jason deCaires Taylor the other day.

From http://repeatingislands.com/2010/05/13/jason-decaires-taylor-interested-in-creating-underwater-sculptures-in-barbados/

Although I am totally creeped-out by masks and inanimate faces, statues don't bother me.....unless they're teeming with sea life and rendered virtually unrecognizable.

From: http://uwart.org/fine.aspx

I would likely psyche my self out the same way I do when walking around the house in the dark.
Maybe I can overcome more than one fear, because it is now a life goal of mine to see these in person.

Look-alikes

2011-06-21T17:32:00.003-05:00

Do these kids look alike or what?!

Oh, Happy Happy Day!!

2011-06-07T07:42:00.001-05:00

I was just looking at a friend from high school's 'European Honeymoon' pictures on facebook yesterday. I have to admit, I got a tad jealous. I would love to travel Europe. To see all these amazing places that I have only ever read about or seen pictures of. I was so impressed with sisters of Oh Happy Day! and Design Mom when they up and moved their families to France for a whole year!! I have considered moving abroad all of twice in my life, and only ever in a mostly-joking-I-could-never-actually-do-that manner.

Some day, I tell myself. Some day.

Well, why not now? I mean, if someone is willing to fly me there, put me up for a week, and take me around to all the best spots, now is as good a time as any, right? Maybe David could get a chance to replace some of the lost photos from his high school Europe trip....

(If you want a chance to win a trip to Paris for two too, visit http://ohhappyday.com/2011/06/goes-to-paris)

Update:
Surprise! I didn't win. It was fun playing. I hope the winner has a fabulous time!!

Birthday Girl!

2011-05-29T07:57:00.001-05:00

Aine's birthday was great & I can't wait to do a post about the cake & decor. First I have to rope my sister-in-law-to-be, Chelsea, in to getting me some of the amazing pictures she took from the day.

Give Her Wings

2011-05-25T16:00:00.018-05:00

How great are these?

Great enough to dig out (read: have David dig out) and dust off the sewing machine, that's for sure!
I chose a set of coordinated fabrics because I am not cool enough to put my own together. Too many to choose from. Where would I even start?!

I chose a solid backing fabric that matched one of the lighter colors in the family (I'm on a grey kick right now) and a coordinating satin ribbon and thread in an accent color (the dark teal really stood out to me).

I measured Aine's 'wing span' by measuring from the center of her neck to her wrist. I trimmed the edges of the backing fabric with pinking shears.

To make the feathers, I modified Eri's pattern slightly. I wanted 5 scallops for each length, and I wanted each length to be 9". So each scallop was a little under 2". Once I had my pattern cut out of card stock, I cut the heck out of some fabric!!

Then I took a break and went to SeaWorld....

Another modification I made was to zig-zag stitch each scalloped piece before sewing them on to the wings. A little on the OCD side for my instant gratification self, but I wanted them to hold up should they find themselves in the washing machine. It is highly likely they will need to be washed at some point. Less likely they will actually get washed. But at least I know it's ok if they do.

I started at the bottom, rounded part of the wings and worked my way up to the top. In some places, I cut the scalloped pieces down to twos and threes to fill in smaller openings. I alternated fabrics so that the end result is a bit of a mottled effect.

Once all of the feathers were attached, I trimmed the overhanging pieces and zig-zag stitched down the straight edges, so that the ends wouldn't fray. I measured a length of satin ribbon long enough to tie a large bow around my neck and marked the middle with a pin. I placed each wing about 1/2" from the center point and attached them with a very tight zig-zag stitch in two places for each wing.

Then I cut two shorter lenghts of ribbon, folded these 'awareness ribbon' style, and pinned them to the superior-distal (like that?) corner of each wing. I double-stitched these on for security too. Then used my mad hair bow-making skillz and melted the free ends of the neck tie ribbon with a lighter to prevent unraveling.

She LOVED them!

And then she decided she wanted to be a chicken.

Playing Catch-Up

2011-02-28T18:07:00.000-06:00

I posted the run-down of what all happened since George was born. Now it's time to catch up from there...

I found a new job very quickly. It involved relocating three states away though. Fortunately, three states away was HOME. So we're back in Florida and loving living mere moments (relatively speaking) from the grandparents rather than a two-day road trip away!

The new job is awesome.

The new church is awesome.

Spending 45 minutes in traffic on a Friday afternoon to get to the Target that is only 5 miles away is an entirely different kind of awesome.

Living less than 90 miles from the nearest Target is the former kind of awesome.

We've been here nearly a month and are not yet unpacked and moved in because we've been spending nearly every weekend with FAMILY. Woot!

I'm hoping to get back in to some kind of routine around here.....

Concert Dresses

2011-02-28T17:46:00.000-06:00

I have a huge garbage bag full of t-shirts I no longer wear but can't bear to part with. Most of them are from concerts I attended in high school and college. Some are from clubs or groups I belonged to. Others are just 'old favorites.' I thought about using them to make a quilt, but I'm not so quilty. I'd been long considering making play dresses out of some of them for my little lass. I am NOT an experienced seamstress, however, and while I am a decent puzzle solver and fairly adventurous, I didn't want to ruin them trying to figure out how to make them cute and failing.

This is where Made comes in. I was poking around and found this.

In sticking with the musical references, I consider these 'variations on a theme,' as I made a few adjustments to the pattern be able to accommodate a narrower & shorter t-shirt, since these were mine and not men's XL.

They went together really easily. We learned picked up some pointers along the way, like 'tie off the strings so the gathers don't come out while you're sewing the yoke' and 'don't use a really stretchy knit for the yoke.' I'm a big fan of the instant gratification & can't wait to try out some of Dana's other patterns and tutorials!

Two Disclaimers:
1) My wonderful mother-in-law did the sewing on these. I cut, ironed, and watched. We were at her house, I didn't want to mess up her machine (or the garments!)
2) I am not a photographer. I have neither a decent camera nor the knowledge base to take a decent photograph.

While typing this, I realized my baby monitor was not on and ran upstairs to find my son screaming in his crib :o/

Down So Long

2010-12-09T09:08:00.000-06:00

The laptop died shortly before George's birth. I was reduced to webbing on an iPhone which, sadly, did not get along all too well with blogger. Things that have taken place since my last post:

Dave's game released

I returned to work from maternity leave

The breastfeeding thing seemed to work itself out....considering my son, at 3 months old, was in the 50th percentile...for 9 month olds.

I lost my job.

Yep. That about sums it up.

Now that the laptop is back up and running I have lots of things to catch up with.

Fun Stuff

2010-08-30T09:00:00.035-05:00

I want to share this opportunity to help out an important cause and get your ears on some awesome family-friendly music at the same time. I've been following Ryan's blog for nearly two years now and really love his family. He's an incredibly talented photographer, an awesomely devoted husband, and a super dad. He's the parent of a little boy with special needs & dreamed up this album to raise money for research that might some day help families like his. And then he made it happen. And I want to help him spread the word. So buy the album & then give some love to the artists who donated their time and talents to the cause. (Oh, and I want to draw your attention to the 'make a donation' button in the bottom right-hand corner...in case you want to do more.) Feel free to make all kinds of virtual noise about this using your preferred social networking tool! And buy the album. :o)

Sorry, your browser does not support iframes.

Announcement

2010-08-29T17:49:00.003-05:00

David and I finally had a minute...or a few hours, actually...to sit down together and hammer out George's birth announcement!

The inspiration came from an actual circus ticket for the "Loomis Bros. Circus." They performed in Okeechobee, FL a few years ago and my dad snagged an extra child's ticket to send me. I had this idea to mat and frame it for 'the kids' room' some day. When George arrived, I realized it could easily be translated into a birth announcement.

I had this image in my head and no way to get it on 'paper.' And David, well, he's a photoshop genius. The way the ticket was laid out made it perfect to swap out the show info for birth stats. I wanted to avoid the over-used 'welcome' or 'announcing' headline. I figured the announcement would speak for itself in that respect. So we came up with 'Admit One Child,' since that's, in effect, what we were doing! The original ticket actually said 'great family fun' at the bottom so we left that part alone. When all was seemingly said and done, David pointed out that the year was nowhere on the ticket and he worked it in.

Now to have them printed & send them out...

My Sucky Baby

2010-08-24T13:28:00.001-05:00

As a general rule, "A sucky baby is a hungry baby."

George is a sucky baby. From day one, he's been pretty fussy. Always nursing, never satisfied. And I've been exhausted!! We supplemented with formula (GASP! - don't tell LLLI), which I'm sure has 1) reduced his patience for nursing and 2) reduced my milk supply. Vicious cycle, I know. But my baby is hungry and momma's gonna fill that belly!

Originally, I blamed myself; I didn't nurse often enough early on, I wasn't getting him latched on right, I wasn't producing an adequate supply of milk because of a surgery I had 10 years ago, I just plain suck...

So I started to research what might be causing his inefficient feeding behaviors....

- falling asleep after only a couple minutes of nursing

- not releasing his latch even though he's asleep

- not emptying the breast (I HATE that word, by the way. They may say 'breast is best,' but I say 'boob is better.')

- rooting and fussing immediately after being taken off the....boob

In addition - VERY sore nipples. VERY. Cringe worthy. That kind of pain that makes you get dizzy and vomit...or at least feel like you're going to vomit. Where other mothers might experience a surge of feel-good hormones when nursing their babies, I was experiencing an adrenaline rush. An honest-to-goodness fight-or-flight response. And sweat. It was making me sweat profusely...which I do when I'm nervous. I do, however, refrain from sticking my hands in my armpits and smelling them, like thisssssss...

What did I find? Low milk flow.

Ok, why is it low, and how do I fix it. Then I remembered:

I said it shortly after he was born, but never actually thought that it might be related, "I think George is tongue-tied." And why wouldn't he be? His father is. George's tongue looks just like David's. I forgot to mention it to Dr. Loghry at his 2-week well-check. I didn't think it was causing any problems. Now that I've looked in to it, it's likely causing ALL of the problems!!

It's fitting this is my first post-partum post; it's the first time I'm not stuck in the recliner with a hungry baby nuzzled in my bosom!

Update:
No clippy. The ENT said he's not tongue-tied. Which...sucks....pun intended. No quick fix. I am historically better with quick fixes than long processes. I didn't even stick with physical therapy after I broke my elbow. I'd love to learn Spanish, but it would require long-term effort. You see what I'm getting at.
Anyway, next up: herbal supplements to boost milk supply and a lactation consult on Friday. A chat with the local LLL leader, of course, resulted in the suggestion that giving a bottle has made for an apathetic nurser. But that doesn't really concern me, since 1) he started getting a bottle AFTER becoming 'apathetic' about nursing and 2) I'm going back to work in 1.5 weeks, after which he'll have to take a bottle regularly anyway. I just want to have milk to put in it! (And I would prefer that he can drink directly from the source when I'm home so that we don't have to plan ahead and pack and keep milk on hand when we're not at home.
I'm sure I'll return to this topic again...

Born!

2010-07-26T05:42:00.000-05:00

I had the baby. I'll post the story before long, promise. For now, we all need some rest.

Tornado of Cleanliness and Organization

2010-07-24T18:52:00.000-05:00

I'm still pregnant. According to my midwife, today is my due date (my 40-week estimate is not until Tuesday). It's also my last day at the office before my much-anticipated maternity leave.
My sister arrived yesterday afternoon to help 'prep' and to be here for the big day. In one day, with me at work, she has accomplished more in the way of cleaning and organizing than I could have done in a ~~week~~ month. She is one of the most amazing women I know and one more reason my blog is titled the way it is!

I love you, little sister! And I promise I'll help as soon as I get home from work!!

The Tiniest of Dancers

2010-07-12T15:40:00.002-05:00

Aine's very first Dance Concert was this weekend! She did a great job, had a great time, and just might continue taking dance classes in the Fall. I wasn't sure that was how it was going to go...
I had to wake her up from her nap Saturday evening to get her ready to leave the house. Putting tights on a still-sleeping, combative three-year-old is not an easy task, especially for a tired momma who is 8.5 months pregnant! But we managed. She kept telling me to leave her alone. I kept reminding her that she had her dance show that Tia, Uncle B, and Miss Kathleen were all coming to see. I had to promise to let her bring a blanket in the car as incentive to get out the door. I told her she didn't ever have to dance again, but she had to dance that night.
As we pulled in to the parking lot by the amphitheare where they performed, I pointed to the bandshell and showed her all of her class in their pink leotards on the stage (we were, of course, a few minutes late...and they must have started rehearsal a couple minutes early). "Is that MY stage?!" she asked, ever so enthusiastically. "Yep, that's your stage," I told her.

So here is her big debut. She was quite the hit among the parents in the audience. I feel a little bad that some families might not have been watching their own kids because they were too busy watching mine instead. (She's the littlest one, first one in on the right)

Daddy had a bit of a difficult time keeping the camera steady for laughing.

After the concert, I asked her again if she wanted to take more dance classes again and she was a little more enthusiastic about it. Fall session starts in August, so we'll see if she asks about it at all in the interim. She was just so cute, I hate to see her quit!

Tick, Tick, Tick...

2010-07-12T15:15:00.000-05:00

David and I have made every effort to not anticipate an early arrival of this baby. You might say we went a little over-board in refusing to accept the idea that he might even be here the week of his 'due date' - something Daddy has been better at refusing than Mommy....

So, you can possibly imagine the wrench in things that resulted from the midwife's declaration, "1-2cm and about 60% effaced" at my "38" week check (remember, according to my estimate, I was only 37 weeks and 2 days.). She then suggested that it just might be a good weekend to have a baby. UGH. People can stay minimally dilated and effaced for weeks, right?! But it is also common for second and later pregnancies to not stay 'partial' for long and things progress a lot more quickly once they start, right?! Anyone have any experience with this?! If I thought I felt like a time bomb last time around...

I hope he hangs in there.

Update:
We made it through the weekend. I am determined to hang in there for my '39 week' midwife visit on Wednesday, and even more so, I am hoping he'll hold out until my sister gets here! I still have to pack my bag. I am VERY uncomfortable today. Did I relax too much over the weekend and the return to work is a bit much? Are things continuing to progress toward the big day? Is it just gas? Perhaps a very unsupportive office chair? The baby is wrigling more than I am used to. No topsy-turvy acrobatics or anything, just a constant pushy-pushy stretching that results in pressure against nearly every corner of my innards simultaneously. I bet he refuses to be swaddled like Aine did.

Radio Silence

2010-07-09T11:14:00.000-05:00

When I'm in town, or not too far outside, I typically listen to the Christian station that broadcasts out of Nashville when I'm in my car. I have noticed that, periodically, there will be a burst of radio silence between pieces. At first, I thought, "man, these guys need to get their act together, everybody knows silence is the worst thing for a radio station." But then I thought better of it. I don't know if this is their intention, but I decided to use those 'moments of silence' for prayer and reflection. I should send an inquiry...and note of thanks.

On another note, there's been a good bit of 'radio silence' on my end. Not for any major reason other than, oh, the fact that I am within the month of the anticipated arrival of my second child and spending nearly every moment that I am not at my job working dilligently to prepare my nest, paying attention to the big sister, and trying to rest.

This weekend I have a dear friend coming to town to provide me with a prenatal massage. Aine's (outdoor!) dance recital is Saturday evening. And I'm hoping to see my brother and his lady, since they're going to try to make it to the dance show.
Do you have summer weekend plans?

Waiting, on a Soapbox

2010-06-27T17:09:00.001-05:00

Warning: If you find this post offensive.....well, I do too.

I have approximately 5 weeks to go until this baby is expected to arrive. At 36 weeks, that does not mean I failed math. It means I am not expecting him to arrive until some time around week 41. That's right, I don't expect him to arrive at week 38, 39, or even 40. I don't expect him to arrive on the midwife's estimated due date, which assumes he will arrive at 40 weeks past some guesstimated ovulation date based on a 28-day menstrual cycle. And based on prior experience, I also don't really expect him to arrive at 40 weeks after what I guess to be my ovulation date based on my actual cycle.
My daughter was born 41 weeks and 5 days after the assumed 28-day cycle ovulation date. I talked to my OB about an induction at 41 weeks and 4 days for two reasons. First, I was getting nervous about meconium. Second, my family had been sitting in my living room staring at me, trying to break my water with their mind powers for two weeks and time was running short on their visit.
I was admitted that night to the hospital so that at 5AM the following morning, they could start pitocin and force my ever-so-cramped-but-obviously-comfy baby out. At 5:30 AM, I awoke needing to use the facilities. They had not been in to 'check' me yet, so I was excited that I could sneak a snack before the whole process got started and they had to deprive me of nourishment for their convenience. No sooner than I sat back down on the bed did I feel a kind of snapish pop followed by a gush of warm fluid. The mere threat of being forced out, and she decided she was ready to come on her own. She was born 15 hours later, sans induction. She weighed 8 pounds, 12 ounces.

Where am I going with this?

People don't wait for babies to be born anymore. I didn't really wait last time either, I just got lucky; and not just because my water broke on a hospital bed covered in chux pads and not at home one my unprotected brand-new pillow-top mattress...
Did you know the NORMAL human gestational period is between 37 and 42 weeks? That's right, 42 weeks of gestation is normal. It's not typical, but it's not pathological. People get so stuck on "due dates." And then, when they get close to 'the day,' the thoughts start creeping in that maybe the baby will come closer to the 38-week end of 'normal.' Next thing you know, you have someone who is 39.5 weeks pregnant but thinks the baby is a week and a half overdue. Add to that the ridiculous impulse to 'estimate baby's weight' based on some cranial and abdominal circumference, biparietal diameter, and femural length measurements made via ultrasound. Are parents ever given the disclaimer that 'these are estimates and can be off by as much as 2 lbs?'
I don't know if it's regional, or practitioner-specific, but with Aine, they did an ultrasound at ~20 weeks to check for normal development. That's the infamous 'gender discovery' ultrasound. We also had one at about 36 weeks because at 20 weeks I had a low-lying placenta and they were worried about placenta previa. So was I - considering my spinal fusion, a c-section would mean going under general anesthesia and missing the whole thing. Not appealing. So at 36 weeks, everything looked a-ok. I then had a third ultrasound at 41 weeks, just to make sure baby was not in distress and the placenta was still functioning properly. Nothing looked 'old,' so my OB saw no medical indication for induction. At no point during any of these ultrasounds was I told an estimate of the baby's size, nor was my due date 'adjusted' based ultrasound findings. This time has been fairly similar. Ultrasound at ~20 weeks - it's a boy - and everything looks normal. At about 33 weeks, they did another ultrasound to measure fluid levels, as well as a non-stress test, because he wasn't as active as he had been in the weeks before and we needed to check on all the little fetus vitals. Everything checked out ok. There are no plans for another ultrasound before delivery. If something raises concern there will be another, of course, but for 'standard procedure,' it's just the one at 20 weeks, unless we get as far as 41. My midwife told me they make no attempt to estimate a weight, nor do they change the delivery plan based on some estimated weight because it can be so far off from the baby's actual size.

I hear stories from people about being induced 3 and 4 weeks early because of the baby's size. I hear expectant moms talk about their plans to have an induction at 39 weeks, despite a healthy pregnancy, just because they don't want to wait anymore. Where have we gotten it in our heads that a baby needs to be born before the 'due date?' It's not a term paper. You don't get extra credit for turning it in early. In fact, it's becoming apparent that quite the opposite is true.

Two things that I have come across in the past 6 months:

1) Studies are showing that IQ is relative to gestational length. Don't get me wrong, IQ is but a number and I know plenty of people with ridiculously high IQs who cannot function in normal society. At some point, a high IQ becomes a definite hurdle. But if a baby's intelligence for the rest of their life might be impacted by (or at least correlated to) their being permitted to fully develop before exiting their creation chamber, what else might be impacted? We know that babies born prior to term (37 weeks or earlier) can have life-long health complications. But now it appears as though, even amongst 'full term' babies, gestational length can make a difference. I'm talking differences in babies born at 39, 40, and 41 weeks. If we considered things like this, would we be so eager to have our babies at 38 weeks?

2) Inductions can, and often do, result in a snowball of other medical interventions that would have been otherwise unnecessary. Don't get me wrong, the ability to perform a surgical delivery in cases where a medical emergency is present is a wonderful, wonderful thing. It can truly be a life-saving procedure. But what about emergencies that arise because prior medical interventions have placed mom and/or baby in danger? I read once that, 'a failed induction is just the body doing what it was meant to do.' In other words, our bodies are made to house, nourish, and protect a growing human baby until that baby is capable of thriving outside the womb. When we artificially induce labor prior to this point of preparedness of the baby, the mother's body fights it. It refuses to allow labor to progress so that the baby doesn't come out. Usually, in the medical arena, this 'failure to progress' results in greater attempts to push the labor along, which can, in turn, push mom and/or baby into distress. Now an emergency is on hand and surgery is necessary to remove the premature baby from it's life-source. If we considered things like this, would we be so eager to have our babies at 38 weeks?

Where is all of this coming from?
I have reached the point in my pregnancy where perfect strangers think they need to tell me that my estimated delivery time must be wrong and inquire as to whether I think I'll 'make it that far.' They seem shocked when I calmly tell them that I still have ____ time to go and don't expect him early. They get frustrated when I don't give them a precise date on which my child will arrive.
I have watched friends become antsy about the impending arrival of their babies as early as 30 weeks. I have seen babies end up in the NICU when their conveniently induced deliveries were actually too soon and they weren't ready for life on the outside.
I have been there, the expectant mother, feeling like a ticking time-bomb, being 'stalked' by friends and family who think, "surely, I should have heard something by now."
I want to give my child the best life possible. And I do believe that life begins at conception. And I believe that every decision I make, including those about his birth, can and will impact him for the rest of his life. And they will impact me. Don't get me wrong. My daughter has eaten candy. She's been awake at midnight more than once. She watched her first bit of TV before the age of one. Sometimes, she even sips on a soda. But there is moderation, and I try to make decisions based on what is best for her.

How do I determine what is the 'best' when it comes to birth? I believe in God. I believe God created us and designed us as we are. I don't think he made every other creature (as well as women in every other geographical location on the planet) capable of delivering healthy babies without medical assistance, and then got it wrong with Americans.

I trusted in His timing with the conception of this child. I will trust in it with the birth as well! It's almost (or maybe it IS) offensive to me that people are so callous about tampering with something that was designed to work so perfectly. Especially when the stakes are so high.

A Finished Project

2010-06-24T19:07:00.003-05:00

I am pretty certain I have ADD. I start a project and rarely ever finish it. I make plans to do great things and never even get started. This is one of the places the 'sucky' stems from. One time (almost exactly a year ago), I actually finished something I started and here's how it went (this post was mostly pulled from a facebook 'note' I posted about the garment at the time):

I completed my first garment EVER! I hope it looks as good on Aine as it does on the hanger.

front

I made this dress out of an old button-down shirt that Dave hasn't worn in years. The trim is simply store-bought yellow ruffle trim. As I have *just* started sewing, I will take all the help I can get. And I think I have ADD, so the faster from start to finish, the better. I plan to get a longer piece of trim for the hem eventually, but I wanted a finished dress, so I went ahead and just hemmed the bottom without trim for now.

The instructions for the dress were really easy to follow.

I have three other shirts I'm already planning to try this with. I am also thinking of how I can adapt it for tee-shirts to make more of a play-dress.
I think this one will make a sweet outfit for church on Fathers' Day.

back

Update: I added the yellow ruffle trim in time for Fathers' Day last summer. And she got to wear it again THIS Fathers' Day, as it still fit! We took pictures with her IN the dress, I'll post one soon.

On another note, I started a Hawaiian print shirt-to-halter dress based off of this same concept that I intended for her to wear at her second birthday party. As you may have noticed, we just celebrated her third. I have the front and back panels of the dress completed, but they're not attached and the halter strap is holding me back, as I am NOT a seamstress. I'm sure my work will never come close to that of this re-purposer of clothing I came across via design mom.

One of these days I'll post about all of my unfinished endeavors!

Nesting

2010-06-20T17:17:00.000-05:00

I don't think the 'nesting' phenomenon is so much based on a burst of energy as a burst of panic.

With Aine, I kept waiting for this month or two of energy and motivation that I'd read about where I would make amazing, unprecedented strides in the way of organization and cleanliness.
It never happened.

This time, I think I've been 'nesting' since I peed on the stick. It is 100% panic-driven. I have been driving David and Aine nuts with my demands for cleanliness (which apparently still aren't quite strong enough). I have channeled my little sister as list-maker extraordinaire. I can see one-day-old dust under the kitchen table and it haunts me like a thick blanket of ash has infiltrated my living space. I took a shower yesterday and didn't get out until I'd scrubbed the entire inside of the stall with bathroom cleaner. I am buying washcloths, sponges, and scouring pads like an NRA member stocking-piling ammo. I graze the 'storage solutions' aisles at the home stores dreaming up uses for all the stacking bins and rolling drawer towers. Nearly every door in my house has some sort of organization device hanging behind it. I think the guest bathroom and Aine's bedroom closet are the only ones left-out thus far. I glare at my sofa, wanting to take it outside and give it what-for with a pressure washer.

This morning, I managed to wash dishes, scrub counter tops, make french toast, clean up from that, freshen the water jugs for the chickens, hang shoe bags from Aine's bedroom and guest room closet doors, fill said bags with random hard-to-find-a-place-for things, model and instruct Aine regarding their use, make a hairbow/barrette organizer from a hanger and some ribbons, organize Aine's hairbows/barrettes using her new hanger, and make a new barrette to match her dress since I couldn't find the one she already had that matches - all in the midst of getting out the door for church.

This is an obsession. And it has not, I repeat, has NOT been accompanied by any extra energy.

Tiny Dancer

2010-05-30T19:32:00.023-05:00

I did it.

I enrolled Aine in ballet & tap classes this summer. The summer session is only 4 weeks long, but I intend to re-enroll her in the fall. She's had her first class and seemed to enjoy it. David said she was just really mellow afterward when he asked how it was. But she isn't begging me to not go back and she has seemed pretty excited about getting her tap shoes at her next lesson.

Reasons I'd hesitated:

1) Cost! - I didn't know how much it would be, but it's not terrible and it's certainly cheaper than paying for full-time daycare and then having her too sick to go 75% of the time.

2) Although I got my start in ballet and tap as a young'n, I transitioned into Irish dance and would prefer her to learn it as well. But the closest school is in Nashville and that means an hour commute each way....for a toddler. No thank you.

3) The only 'dance' school that I knew had toddler classes was more of a gym. While I think gymnastics would be great for her to at least try, I'm not a fan of the 'dance' style of the gym....you know, a group of teeny girls in teenier midriffs shaking their booties to pepped-up versions of the crap you hear on the 'pop' radio stations. Pass.

4) I was nervous she'd be totally smitten and I'd just started her on a path to self-destruction in an attempt to maintain a particular image/figure/stature etc.

Why I jumped in:

1) I found a studio that's a real, classical ballet studio. Bring on the technique and discipline!

2) Browsing the studio's website, I read a lot that I liked about their approach - Christian foundation, modesty, age-appropriate costuming and accompaniment.

3) One of the links on the website was to an article called, "Perfect Pointe," which I haven't read yet but browsed and was happy to have been directed to.

Her first recital is in just a few weeks and I am so excited to see it. Mostly because I don't get to take her to practices and it's old news by the time I get home from work. But also because I'm curious to see if she's the kid who looks like she actually went to class and is enjoying herself, or if she's the one that stands deer-in-headlights still on the stage and pees herself.
There will be another post with pictures, either way!

Birthday Girl

2010-05-26T22:08:00.007-05:00

My little girl turned 3. Correction, my BIG girl turned 3. She asks me sometimes, "Why did you call me 'baby'? I'm a big girl." For the longest time she would tell me she wasn't a big girl, she was a little girl.

You'll always be my baby.

The cake was a 4-layer strawberry cake with chocolate frosting. And I made the mistake of decorating it with spray-can frosting. Next time I'm sticking with the piping bag! I called the cake a 'chocolate-covered strawberry cake.' It's entirely from a box.

Incredibly simple decor:

~ Home-made banner

~ Helium balloons

~ Some pictures of the guest of honor displayed around the piano, which served as a present table

~ Potted gerbera daisy that vaguely matched the color scheme & will be relocated to the flower bed this weekend

The color scheme was inspired by the cake.

We 'feasted' on grilled pork tenderloin with fruit & veggie kabobs. The pork spent a day soaking in a mustard-ginger-lime-pineapple-garlic marinade. The kabobs had cherry tomato, onion, pineapple, and banana. I also grilled up some drumsticks. I must have been incredibly hungry by the time everything was ready because even the simple salad (romaine, spinach, tomato, cucumber) tasted amazing!

I was in charge of the food, while Dad provided the entertainment. Here he is, leading a "canjo" sing-along. Other activities included:

~ Chicken wrangling

~ WiiSports tournament

~ Snake handling

Don't you wish you'd been there?!

First!

2010-05-26T18:32:00.001-05:00

I've been toying with the idea of blogging. I don't think I have all that much that all that many people will care to read/see. But sometimes I think I should document an event for posterity or humor's sake, and well, this would be a good way to do it. Besides that, there are several blogs that I follow and I feel like I'm spying to not have one of my own. We'll see how this goes.